LONG BEACH — Kang and Kodos are alive and well and living in Long Beach.
Remember them? Kang and Kodos are the intergalactic brother (Kang) and sister (Kodos) octopus-like aliens that have appeared on “The Simpsons” in numerous “Treehouse of Horror” episodes. The siblings have tentacles for legs, drool constantly, wear space helmets, have dagger-like fangs, and want to enslave the inhabitants of planet Earth. Needless to say, they are fan favorites.
Kang and Kodos
One of their best episodes was the season eight “Treehouse of Horror” vignette “Citizen Kang” that aired in 1996. In that classic, Kang and Kodos abduct President Bill Clinton and Sen. Robert Dole, the presidential candidates in 1996. Kang and Kodos assume their identities in an effort to win the election and conquer Earth.
Kang and Kodos quickly realize the road to victory is paved with banal phrases and meaningless gibberish. For example, during a campaign rally, Kang, disguised as Dole, tells the crowd, “Abortions for all,” but the crowd boos.
Dole switches gears. “No abortions for anyone,” but the crowd still boos in disapproval.
Finally, Dole says, “Abortions for some, and miniature American flags for others.” The crowd bursts into applause, and Dole realizes he has found a winning strategy.
It’s hilarious political satire.
2nd District City Council race
This same pandering and gibberish is playing out in Long Beach’s 2nd District City Council race between Robert Fox and Cindy Allen. Fox and Allen are not brother and sister, like Kang and Kodos, but we will overlook that element for dramatic license.
Obviously neither Allen nor Fox have tentacles for legs or have arrived from outer space (Well, Allen’s Orange County stomping grounds sometimes seems like outer space. Just ask Long Beach Councilwoman and Orange Country Deputy District Attorney Suzie Price). Allen and Fox’s behavior, however, in this important election is just as laughable and absurd.
Neither Allen nor Fox has presented a coherent, detailed plan of how they would help 2nd District residents. Instead, they just drool meaningless phrases and slogans.
Cindy Allen as Kodos
For example, on her website, Kodos, we mean Allen, promotes such hollow, vague statements as “Make science-based decisions on healthcare policy,” “Use technology to increase awareness of the city’s carbon footprint,” and “Work to bring new good paying union jobs with benefits to Long Beach.”
Allen doesn’t give any specifics or strategic plans. It’s difficult to hold Allen accountable because she rarely talks with the press. Even Kodos talked with the media. Heck, even President Donald Trump gives press conferences.
Allen’s treatment of the public makes us wonder if her next statement will be, “Abortions for some, and miniature America flags for others.”
Robert Fox as Kang
Fox, aka Kang, isn’t much better.
On his website, Fox has long winded descriptions on a variety of issues, and he has difficulty getting to the point, or making his point. And, he’s short on specifics, too.
His parking plan includes building parking structures, but no information on how much they will cost or how to pay for them. He wants to cut 30% from the police budget, but doesn’t say from where. His plan to address homelessness? He goes on and on, but we didn’t see a strategic plan. Fox, however, is accessible to the media.
At any moment, we expect Allen or Fox to start twirling repeatedly.
It would mirror a scene from “Citizen Kang.” Kodos, who has assumed Clinton’s identity, attends a debate with Dole and begins with a memorable statement.
“My fellow Americans, as a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say must move forward, not backward. Upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.”
LGBTQ community ignored
Speaking of meaningless, Allen has attempted to go out of her way to paint herself as an “ally” of the LGBTQ community. Her biggest achievement? We haven’t seen any. She repeatedly says, “Love is Love.” If she is really an ally, why does her website have zero information about the LGBTQ community? Allen doesn’t even acknowledge that we exist. With an ally like that, who needs enemies.
And Fox, who identifies as gay, also has nothing on his website about specific actions he would take to benefit LGBTQ residents. Why is that?
The residents of the 2nd District deserve better.